intro

here it all starts

It all kind of started in 6th grade. I wasn't very popular, people knew who I was but I was just someone in the back. I didn't enjoy the spotlight, I don't think. I didn't have very many friends at the school I attended. I didn't switch schools or anything I just didn't make friends super well. I had one friend that lived across the street I got really close to her but then she moved away and I was kinda stuck. I had a few other neighborhood friends I got really close with one of them all through the summertime. as soon as school started if we weren't in the same class we didn't talk. my other neighbors are sisters they are pretty close but I struggled with them because they were younger. To this day we still hang out. What happened with the other girl, I'm not sure but as soon as 6th grade started we automatically just weren't friends and I haven't talked to her since. I am now a sophomore in high school. Like I said it all kinda started in 6th grade. I struggled with the friend thing and my parents recognized that and transferred me to a new school in the same district. in my head, i had created this false reality of being the fun new popular girl in school i have Disney Chanel to thank for that one. It diffently was not all that. the most accurate thing Disney Chanel got was the struggle to find where the hell your classes are on the first day. I'm getting off-topic, anyway. the start of 7th grade at the new school was a rocky start. knowing just about no one on your first day is quite terrible. as soon as I walked in the door I recognized one and one person only. she was from my church I didn't know anything about her other than she sang on Wednesday nights at the church. She looked generally friendy and she approached me. she helped me a lot that the first day. I thought I had made my first friend that day. Not sure how that happened tho seeing as I only wore the same two pairs of jeans, double zero American Eagle skinny jeans. for clarification, I am in fact defiantly not a double zero anymore. I became kinda close with this girl we sang at some coffee shop sometime but later on, I realized that she was kinda annoying and I really didn't like her all that much. but by then she was convinced we were the best of friends and our moms talked all the time too. that is a trap that is hard to get out of. Somehow I managed and I met this girl that was gone the first few days of school, she had some sort of stomach issue? not sure. Somehow we became friends and this time I actually liked my friend. This is kinda where it all goes downhill. I had made friends with this girl at the exact time that she was going through puberty and her parents were getting a divorce. little spoiler… not a great situation to get in. I became this stressed-out friend who felt as tho she was this girls-only outlet and saving grace. now at the time that vaguely was true but stressing out because your friend is severely depressed and you feel like you are the only one to keep her from killing herself at 3:00 is not a great place for someone who is 13. this was a struggle for a while. This truly toxic relationship continued all the way through freshmen year. but somewhere in that equation, I met the wonderful being that I am still insanely close to today.